¡Happy Fourth of July Folks!

For my fellow Americans celebrating Independence Day, here are some things you should take note of in the manner of fours.

Reasons Why Americans Are Celebrating It
* An old man made a patriotic speech about freedom
* The elementary school history text book said so
* Everyone else is doing it. Any different and you’ll be a communist
* People can finally set the local park district on fire

The Wrong Reasons Why Americans Are Celebrating It
* In response to the chronologically earlier holiday, Cinco de Mayo
* They’ve seen it in a similarly named movie on FOX
* It is a social event where Dan can finally hook up with Anne
* The air conditioner is broke and you must go outdoors

Do's
* You can finally pig it out at the BBQ and not be embarrassed
* Circle around someone making burgers
* Hypothesize how a firecracker jacket would fare
* Eat one of those red, white, and blue colored popsicles


Don’ts
* Drink so much beer to the point where you can no longer distinguish your baby child from a box of M-80s
* Blame it on the Chinese when the police seize
* Drive your brand new car over some fireworks lain on the middle of the street
* Watch a similarly named movie on FOX